"What God Puts Together": Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
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| Dr. Tunishai Ford Your Friend & Guide To True Happiness!! |
"What God Puts Together"
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
First Part Of Series July 2007
It bothers me to see the many failing marriages in America, especially in the Body of
Christ. It is so disheartening because I am a single woman waiting for God to send my
soul mate and unfortunately there are few examples of Godly marriages. Oh, do not
misunderstand me. There are many couples who are committed to staying in the marriage
for the word sake, or they have too much time and assets invested in it. But what I see is
a tolerance for each other not commitment and love.
There is one specific area that I would like to address that has become very prevalent in
today's marriages. I call it the " Jezebel/Ahab Syndrome." This is when a person enters
into the sacred union of marriage solely for the purpose of manipulating and controlling
their partner's life. Now the culprit in this well thought out calculated scheme is the
woman. She is usually a woman who has been hurt in previous relationships who then
deliberately marries someone who is weaker spiritually, mentally, and psychologically. She
often abuses him, mentally, emotionally and physically and she is not even aware that she
is doing anything wrong. In her mind, she is trying to help him. She sees him as being
another child to take care of and it is her duty to chastise him. These women are enablers
in all of their other relationships, especially their children. They make their spouses do
everything and require very little if anything from the children.
There are many men crying out in desperation to get away from women like this but they
feel trapped and all alone, and too embarrassed to tell anyone what they are going through.
Needless to say, their behavior is often already observed by many close friends and family
members who are just as helpless in trying to assist in resolving this problem in fear of
being accused of meddling or knowing that their concern would not be considered.
Therefore, the victim remains unassisted and alone.
Now many of you may be saying to yourselves, "Why doesn't he just leave?" Good
question. Many of these victims are bound to the union for religious or moral reasons. You
noticed I said religious. They feel trapped by the wrong teaching and their spouse
continuously uses the bible to justify the abuse. Remember, these men are weaker than
their wives, and they do not know how to stand up for themselves. This marriage is also
often void of intimacy and affection but the man is required to go out and make a living
and made to feel responsible financially for everyone in that household.
God never intended for a woman to raise her spouse and justify playing mother to him.
His primary reason for marriage was for two loving people to come together for the sole
purpose of companionship. Your spouse should be your best friend, and lover. He should
provide for you and protect you from a pure motive of love. He is not your sugar daddy or
your servant.
Women who enter the marriage institution solely for the purpose to control should take my
valuable advice. Stop in the name of love for the love you save may be your own because
you may one day be all alone. If you want to control someone's life, start with your own
and if you still do not feel satisfied, start handling and taking proper responsibility for your
children. Stop trying to be a mother to a grown man. This may be a harsh word, but it
needs to be said. Remember the truth will set you free. 1 KINGS 21:1-15
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
First Part Of Series July 2007
It bothers me to see the many failing marriages in America, especially in the Body of
Christ. It is so disheartening because I am a single woman waiting for God to send my
soul mate and unfortunately there are few examples of Godly marriages. Oh, do not
misunderstand me. There are many couples who are committed to staying in the marriage
for the word sake, or they have too much time and assets invested in it. But what I see is
a tolerance for each other not commitment and love.
There is one specific area that I would like to address that has become very prevalent in
today's marriages. I call it the " Jezebel/Ahab Syndrome." This is when a person enters
into the sacred union of marriage solely for the purpose of manipulating and controlling
their partner's life. Now the culprit in this well thought out calculated scheme is the
woman. She is usually a woman who has been hurt in previous relationships who then
deliberately marries someone who is weaker spiritually, mentally, and psychologically. She
often abuses him, mentally, emotionally and physically and she is not even aware that she
is doing anything wrong. In her mind, she is trying to help him. She sees him as being
another child to take care of and it is her duty to chastise him. These women are enablers
in all of their other relationships, especially their children. They make their spouses do
everything and require very little if anything from the children.
There are many men crying out in desperation to get away from women like this but they
feel trapped and all alone, and too embarrassed to tell anyone what they are going through.
Needless to say, their behavior is often already observed by many close friends and family
members who are just as helpless in trying to assist in resolving this problem in fear of
being accused of meddling or knowing that their concern would not be considered.
Therefore, the victim remains unassisted and alone.
Now many of you may be saying to yourselves, "Why doesn't he just leave?" Good
question. Many of these victims are bound to the union for religious or moral reasons. You
noticed I said religious. They feel trapped by the wrong teaching and their spouse
continuously uses the bible to justify the abuse. Remember, these men are weaker than
their wives, and they do not know how to stand up for themselves. This marriage is also
often void of intimacy and affection but the man is required to go out and make a living
and made to feel responsible financially for everyone in that household.
God never intended for a woman to raise her spouse and justify playing mother to him.
His primary reason for marriage was for two loving people to come together for the sole
purpose of companionship. Your spouse should be your best friend, and lover. He should
provide for you and protect you from a pure motive of love. He is not your sugar daddy or
your servant.
Women who enter the marriage institution solely for the purpose to control should take my
valuable advice. Stop in the name of love for the love you save may be your own because
you may one day be all alone. If you want to control someone's life, start with your own
and if you still do not feel satisfied, start handling and taking proper responsibility for your
children. Stop trying to be a mother to a grown man. This may be a harsh word, but it
needs to be said. Remember the truth will set you free. 1 KINGS 21:1-15
"What God Puts Together"
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Second Part Of Series August 2007
During the courtship phase of the relationship, both parties put their best foot forward. It
almost becomes a contest seeing which one can out do the other in being more kind and
more thoughtful. The man woos the woman and the woman is so giddy, she feels like a
young teenage girl being in love for the very first time. They both look forward to living the
rest of their lives together.
After the I 'dos' and the honeymoon is over, wow, what often happens? What happens to
the wooing and the adventure of the relationship? This is the question that many women
who have given their lives to men for many years are asking, with so much dismay, after
they have invested so much time and energy trying to create a wonderful and loving
environment for their spouses.
She is often left feeling rejected and unloved because she is putting all the work into the
relationship. All he does is go to work, come home and ask for occasional sex and watch
the latest sports events. He feels because he is bringing home the bacon and maintaining the
home, and giving them a decent lifestyle, he ought to be given a pat on the back. In the
meantime, his spouse is slowly dying from a lack of attention and affection.
She has the difficult task of raising the children and taking care of the home and his sexual
needs. God forbid if she has a full time job while trying to do all of this. She becomes a
time bomb waiting to explode. It is no wonder that so many women who are in
relationships like this are suffering from severe depression and several health issues, such
as, hypertension and obesity because of emotional eating. There is something desperately
wrong with this picture.
When two people come together in marriage, the emotional and physical responsibilities
should be equally shared by both to maintain a healthy and loving relationship. Actually, the
emotional cohesiveness is the man's responsibility. If we examine the role of the man
according to the word of God, we see that it tells him to make an effort to understand and
cater to her needs. Hey, guys, that means emotional too (I Peter 3:7). There are too many
households where the emotional burden is placed on the wife. She has to keep the fire lit in
the marriage.
Men, love your wives and nurture her emotional needs. It is not enough just to buy her
things and provide for the home. Your responsibility to the woman is far greater (Ephesians
5: 25 - 33). If you are a married man and you know you have fallen short in this area, there
is still time to change. If you are a single man reading this article and you feel you cannot
carry the weight, do not get married. Women are like fine cars, if you take care of them,
they will definitely perform and take care of you.
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Second Part Of Series August 2007
During the courtship phase of the relationship, both parties put their best foot forward. It
almost becomes a contest seeing which one can out do the other in being more kind and
more thoughtful. The man woos the woman and the woman is so giddy, she feels like a
young teenage girl being in love for the very first time. They both look forward to living the
rest of their lives together.
After the I 'dos' and the honeymoon is over, wow, what often happens? What happens to
the wooing and the adventure of the relationship? This is the question that many women
who have given their lives to men for many years are asking, with so much dismay, after
they have invested so much time and energy trying to create a wonderful and loving
environment for their spouses.
She is often left feeling rejected and unloved because she is putting all the work into the
relationship. All he does is go to work, come home and ask for occasional sex and watch
the latest sports events. He feels because he is bringing home the bacon and maintaining the
home, and giving them a decent lifestyle, he ought to be given a pat on the back. In the
meantime, his spouse is slowly dying from a lack of attention and affection.
She has the difficult task of raising the children and taking care of the home and his sexual
needs. God forbid if she has a full time job while trying to do all of this. She becomes a
time bomb waiting to explode. It is no wonder that so many women who are in
relationships like this are suffering from severe depression and several health issues, such
as, hypertension and obesity because of emotional eating. There is something desperately
wrong with this picture.
When two people come together in marriage, the emotional and physical responsibilities
should be equally shared by both to maintain a healthy and loving relationship. Actually, the
emotional cohesiveness is the man's responsibility. If we examine the role of the man
according to the word of God, we see that it tells him to make an effort to understand and
cater to her needs. Hey, guys, that means emotional too (I Peter 3:7). There are too many
households where the emotional burden is placed on the wife. She has to keep the fire lit in
the marriage.
Men, love your wives and nurture her emotional needs. It is not enough just to buy her
things and provide for the home. Your responsibility to the woman is far greater (Ephesians
5: 25 - 33). If you are a married man and you know you have fallen short in this area, there
is still time to change. If you are a single man reading this article and you feel you cannot
carry the weight, do not get married. Women are like fine cars, if you take care of them,
they will definitely perform and take care of you.
"What God Puts Together"
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Third Part Of Series September 2007
Studies show that the highest divorce rate is among the Jews and non-denominational
Christians. This is ironic due to the fact that they are supposed to be the most
knowledgeable concerning marriage. Studies have also shown that the divorce rate is higher
among Christians than it is among atheists.
Why are so many Christian marriages failing and what can be done about it? I believe that
some of the problems are that people are getting married who have no business getting
married, due to unresolved issues in their lives, selfishness, and immaturity. If counseling
were received, many couples would be able to identify their problems and may consider not
getting married at all until they deal directly with their issues. Also, another solution may be
to attend pre-marital workshops and/ or seminars. These tools will give potential couples an
opportunity to learn about proper protocol for dating and preparing for a lifetime
commitment. Lastly, deal with emotion scars from previous relationships and/ or hurts from
childhood that will interfere with having a healthy, mature relationship with someone. Sadly
enough, many Christians, especially those who are considered mature and older in age do
not feel the need to receive pre-marital counseling or guidance.
I am not saying that these tools will be the answer to our divorce problem but it can be the
solution for not getting involved in something that you are not ready for. This is my
philosophy, marriage is like having a dog. If you are not ready for it leave it alone.
But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a
man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they two shall be one flesh: so
then they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not
man put asunder (St. Mark 10: 6 - 9, KJV).
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Third Part Of Series September 2007
Studies show that the highest divorce rate is among the Jews and non-denominational
Christians. This is ironic due to the fact that they are supposed to be the most
knowledgeable concerning marriage. Studies have also shown that the divorce rate is higher
among Christians than it is among atheists.
Why are so many Christian marriages failing and what can be done about it? I believe that
some of the problems are that people are getting married who have no business getting
married, due to unresolved issues in their lives, selfishness, and immaturity. If counseling
were received, many couples would be able to identify their problems and may consider not
getting married at all until they deal directly with their issues. Also, another solution may be
to attend pre-marital workshops and/ or seminars. These tools will give potential couples an
opportunity to learn about proper protocol for dating and preparing for a lifetime
commitment. Lastly, deal with emotion scars from previous relationships and/ or hurts from
childhood that will interfere with having a healthy, mature relationship with someone. Sadly
enough, many Christians, especially those who are considered mature and older in age do
not feel the need to receive pre-marital counseling or guidance.
I am not saying that these tools will be the answer to our divorce problem but it can be the
solution for not getting involved in something that you are not ready for. This is my
philosophy, marriage is like having a dog. If you are not ready for it leave it alone.
But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a
man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they two shall be one flesh: so
then they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not
man put asunder (St. Mark 10: 6 - 9, KJV).
"What God Puts Together"
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Fourth Part Of Series October 2007
I was having a conversation with one of my male friends when the subject of relationships
came up, more specifically, the topic of women and how they feel about their bodies. Now,
we are all adults here so I hope that this article will not be offensive to anyone.
As our conversation progressed, he stated that he was concerned about what affects a
marriage the most. We both agreed that one of the top three is intimacy, and the lack thereof
in many marriages today. Why is this a major issue for so many couples?
Well, remember that the topic for this month's issue is "Love Your Body". I believe that one
of the reasons that intimacy is lacking in the marriage bed is because many women no longer
feel good about their bodies. Truthfully, many women went into their marriages not feeling
good about it. Therefore, they do not feel comfortable disrobing in front of their husbands
and expressing themselves intimately.
The physical changes that take place in a woman's body can be quite traumatic. Ladies you
know what they are - sagging in certain places, cellulites, stretch marks and being over
weight. Many women do not want to even look at themselves anymore in the mirror, so you
know they do not want their spouses to see them. This is most unfortunate and it is
affecting many marriages. The men are no longer getting their needs met and their wives feel
deprived also because she has difficulty telling him how she feels about her body. She,
therefore, goes into her private shell.
What can be done? Well, to start, ladies tell your spouse how you feel about the many
changes that have taken place with your body. You will be surprised that it probably does
not bother him at all because when a man truly loves you, those physical changes do not
really matter to him. All that probably matters to him is being close to you and feeling the
warmth of your body and your tender touches. You full-figured mamas will really be
surprised because he may tell you that it is just more of you to love.
When you have been in a relationship for many years, there has to be more to complete
intimacy besides having a perfect body. Hey, look at him. His body has most likely changed
in some areas too. His six-pack is probably now a two-pack and some are down to a
one-pack. But the point is finding ways to keep that flame burning in the marriage bed. As
long as you have lips, hips and finger tips you can make a lot happen. There are all kinds of
beauty aids on the market today to help with body issues. You may have to make an
investment, but aren't you worth it? Take this seriously and bring the joy back into your
marriage. Begin to take the necessary steps to ignite the fire again. You can do it.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also, to her husband. In the same way, the
husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife (I Cor. 7: 3 and 4, NIV)
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Fourth Part Of Series October 2007
I was having a conversation with one of my male friends when the subject of relationships
came up, more specifically, the topic of women and how they feel about their bodies. Now,
we are all adults here so I hope that this article will not be offensive to anyone.
As our conversation progressed, he stated that he was concerned about what affects a
marriage the most. We both agreed that one of the top three is intimacy, and the lack thereof
in many marriages today. Why is this a major issue for so many couples?
Well, remember that the topic for this month's issue is "Love Your Body". I believe that one
of the reasons that intimacy is lacking in the marriage bed is because many women no longer
feel good about their bodies. Truthfully, many women went into their marriages not feeling
good about it. Therefore, they do not feel comfortable disrobing in front of their husbands
and expressing themselves intimately.
The physical changes that take place in a woman's body can be quite traumatic. Ladies you
know what they are - sagging in certain places, cellulites, stretch marks and being over
weight. Many women do not want to even look at themselves anymore in the mirror, so you
know they do not want their spouses to see them. This is most unfortunate and it is
affecting many marriages. The men are no longer getting their needs met and their wives feel
deprived also because she has difficulty telling him how she feels about her body. She,
therefore, goes into her private shell.
What can be done? Well, to start, ladies tell your spouse how you feel about the many
changes that have taken place with your body. You will be surprised that it probably does
not bother him at all because when a man truly loves you, those physical changes do not
really matter to him. All that probably matters to him is being close to you and feeling the
warmth of your body and your tender touches. You full-figured mamas will really be
surprised because he may tell you that it is just more of you to love.
When you have been in a relationship for many years, there has to be more to complete
intimacy besides having a perfect body. Hey, look at him. His body has most likely changed
in some areas too. His six-pack is probably now a two-pack and some are down to a
one-pack. But the point is finding ways to keep that flame burning in the marriage bed. As
long as you have lips, hips and finger tips you can make a lot happen. There are all kinds of
beauty aids on the market today to help with body issues. You may have to make an
investment, but aren't you worth it? Take this seriously and bring the joy back into your
marriage. Begin to take the necessary steps to ignite the fire again. You can do it.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also, to her husband. In the same way, the
husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife (I Cor. 7: 3 and 4, NIV)
"What God Puts Together"
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Fifth Part Of Series November 2007
In the beginning, God told the man and woman to be fruitful and multiply and He called it
good and blessed it. Therefore, we know that children are blessings from God (Psalms
127:3). I, personally, am quite honored to be the mother of my son. He has brought me
much joy and happiness. Yes, he has gotten on my last nerve too, but that all comes with the
package. I know in my heart that I have done everything in my power to keep him safe,
especially from sexual predators. Unfortunately, too many parents cannot say the same.
Too many children have become victims of rape and incest. The most sickening fact is that
all too often it could have been avoided. Many victims of incest are placed in harms way by
their own parent and then the child grows up with serious emotional, psychological, and
sexual issues to deal with. Sometimes they never heal and end up living in darkness never
confronting these demons that continue to haunt them.
Statistics show that 93% of juvenile sexual assault victims knew their attacker, 34.2% were
family members and 58.7% acquaintances. Only seven percent of the perpetrators were
strangers to the victim. These facts are according to the 2000 Sexual Assault of Young
Children as Reported to Law Enforcement. Now tell me, what is wrong with this picture?
I have personally heard horror stories of children who were molested by a relative, and they
go and tell another adult relative and the child is accused of causing trouble. Many families
have just swept these incidents under the rug. No one wants to address this issue and the
perpetrator goes untouched, and the child is forced to believe that these attacks are the
results of something they have done wrong.
As I stated earlier, an adult they trust, such as a parent often places these children in harms
way. This is often true with little girls whose mother ignores signs of the father or another
male relative or close acquaintance interacting with them inappropriately. The child is often
forced to continue their interaction with the male figure because of their position in the child's
life. If the child says anything, the accusation may go unpunished because of the position the
male holds with the mother, especially if the male is providing financially for the household.
Rape and incest goes on in homes more than it is talked about, and in some communities, the
rapes and incest have produced children. The author, Alice Walker, depicted this scenario in
her best selling novel, The Color Purple, when the primary character, Ceilie, had two children
with her father. The storyline was written dating back to the early 1900s, but this is also
happening today in the 21st century.
Are we going to start taking better care of our children? Are we going to exercise good
judgment when it comes down to their welfare? Remember they were entrusted to us to
love, protect, provide for and to guide. They look to us to do this for them. It is our
responsibility to help ensure they have healthy and productive lives and are able to fulfill their
purposes in life. Child abusers should be jailed and not allowed to walk the streets because
they are related. Let's not let our children down. Remember, a child's life and well being is a
terrible thing to waste.
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Fifth Part Of Series November 2007
In the beginning, God told the man and woman to be fruitful and multiply and He called it
good and blessed it. Therefore, we know that children are blessings from God (Psalms
127:3). I, personally, am quite honored to be the mother of my son. He has brought me
much joy and happiness. Yes, he has gotten on my last nerve too, but that all comes with the
package. I know in my heart that I have done everything in my power to keep him safe,
especially from sexual predators. Unfortunately, too many parents cannot say the same.
Too many children have become victims of rape and incest. The most sickening fact is that
all too often it could have been avoided. Many victims of incest are placed in harms way by
their own parent and then the child grows up with serious emotional, psychological, and
sexual issues to deal with. Sometimes they never heal and end up living in darkness never
confronting these demons that continue to haunt them.
Statistics show that 93% of juvenile sexual assault victims knew their attacker, 34.2% were
family members and 58.7% acquaintances. Only seven percent of the perpetrators were
strangers to the victim. These facts are according to the 2000 Sexual Assault of Young
Children as Reported to Law Enforcement. Now tell me, what is wrong with this picture?
I have personally heard horror stories of children who were molested by a relative, and they
go and tell another adult relative and the child is accused of causing trouble. Many families
have just swept these incidents under the rug. No one wants to address this issue and the
perpetrator goes untouched, and the child is forced to believe that these attacks are the
results of something they have done wrong.
As I stated earlier, an adult they trust, such as a parent often places these children in harms
way. This is often true with little girls whose mother ignores signs of the father or another
male relative or close acquaintance interacting with them inappropriately. The child is often
forced to continue their interaction with the male figure because of their position in the child's
life. If the child says anything, the accusation may go unpunished because of the position the
male holds with the mother, especially if the male is providing financially for the household.
Rape and incest goes on in homes more than it is talked about, and in some communities, the
rapes and incest have produced children. The author, Alice Walker, depicted this scenario in
her best selling novel, The Color Purple, when the primary character, Ceilie, had two children
with her father. The storyline was written dating back to the early 1900s, but this is also
happening today in the 21st century.
Are we going to start taking better care of our children? Are we going to exercise good
judgment when it comes down to their welfare? Remember they were entrusted to us to
love, protect, provide for and to guide. They look to us to do this for them. It is our
responsibility to help ensure they have healthy and productive lives and are able to fulfill their
purposes in life. Child abusers should be jailed and not allowed to walk the streets because
they are related. Let's not let our children down. Remember, a child's life and well being is a
terrible thing to waste.
What God Puts Together"
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Sixth Part Of Series December 2007
As you are preparing for your festive meal, and anticipating the arrival of your guests this
Christmas, I want you to give thanks. If you are married and/or engaged to someone you truly
love, give thanks. It is a blessing to spend the holiday with someone and not be alone. I believe
it is often taken for granted having someone in your life, but what if you were like the
hundreds and thousands of people who are all alone this Christmas. If you reflect back on
your life when you were single, you probably felt alone and lonely at some point during your
'singlehood.' You may have prayed for years for a companion and now he or she is finally a
part of your life. Therefore, do not take this time for granted.
This is a very difficult time for some people. There are so many who are plagued with
depression and contemplation of suicide during this time of year. Others find themselves
involved with someone they do not love just to fill the void. It is sad to see how such a festive,
romantic and joyous season turns out to be so unfulfilling for so many. Maybe all the hype
that the media gives it makes those who are alone experience so much emptiness. Well, for
whatever reason, it does not change the fact that aloneness will be the stuffing for so many
Christmas stockings this year.
I will spend another year alone as I have spent so many in the past. I am all right with it
because I have learned to accept my state and I do not complain. I only desire to see the
couples who are together cherish one another and not take each other for granted. I want to
see true love exuding from your lives so that you will be an example to others. Be kind and
courteous to one another. Always say "I love you" everyday, and above all remember the
covenant you made with each other before God and a host of witnesses.
It is a blessing to have someone special in your life, and not just during the holiday season.
Like the love of Jesus, it is to be enjoyed all year round. When you gaze into the eyes of
someone you love this season, take out the time to think about the many others who are alone
and lonely, and maybe you will greatly appreciate what you have and give God thanks for your
miracle. God bless you and have a safe and wonderful holiday.
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Sixth Part Of Series December 2007
As you are preparing for your festive meal, and anticipating the arrival of your guests this
Christmas, I want you to give thanks. If you are married and/or engaged to someone you truly
love, give thanks. It is a blessing to spend the holiday with someone and not be alone. I believe
it is often taken for granted having someone in your life, but what if you were like the
hundreds and thousands of people who are all alone this Christmas. If you reflect back on
your life when you were single, you probably felt alone and lonely at some point during your
'singlehood.' You may have prayed for years for a companion and now he or she is finally a
part of your life. Therefore, do not take this time for granted.
This is a very difficult time for some people. There are so many who are plagued with
depression and contemplation of suicide during this time of year. Others find themselves
involved with someone they do not love just to fill the void. It is sad to see how such a festive,
romantic and joyous season turns out to be so unfulfilling for so many. Maybe all the hype
that the media gives it makes those who are alone experience so much emptiness. Well, for
whatever reason, it does not change the fact that aloneness will be the stuffing for so many
Christmas stockings this year.
I will spend another year alone as I have spent so many in the past. I am all right with it
because I have learned to accept my state and I do not complain. I only desire to see the
couples who are together cherish one another and not take each other for granted. I want to
see true love exuding from your lives so that you will be an example to others. Be kind and
courteous to one another. Always say "I love you" everyday, and above all remember the
covenant you made with each other before God and a host of witnesses.
It is a blessing to have someone special in your life, and not just during the holiday season.
Like the love of Jesus, it is to be enjoyed all year round. When you gaze into the eyes of
someone you love this season, take out the time to think about the many others who are alone
and lonely, and maybe you will greatly appreciate what you have and give God thanks for your
miracle. God bless you and have a safe and wonderful holiday.
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"What God Puts Together"
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Sixth Part Of Series January 2008
Since this is the year of new beginnings, I strongly believe that God is miraculously doing a
work in relationships. If you are believing God to reconcile a relationship or to strengthen the
one you are presently in, this is your year. Even those who are trusting God to meet their
mates will be fulfilled this year. This is the year of blessings and God is taking His people to a
new dimension in Him. He wants to fulfill promises and make dreams come true this year.
How many of you believe that He can do it and He will do it?
I am trusting God for a mate, but I want the one He has purposed to be my lifetime
companion. Too often, we run ahead of God and pick what we want according to our
fleshly desires. He wants us to have His best and for us to stop settling for less. I see it too
often. Men and women getting involved with a person because they are getting some much
needed attention or they get married out of convenience. The only true purpose for marriage
is love and companionship. If you get married for any other reason, you are in for a rude
awakening!
This is going to be a year of great victory for God's people and it should also pertain to
marriage. Therefore, if you are dating someone and you do not know if this is your soul
mate, stand still, do not make a hasty decision, and seek the guidance of God (Proverbs 3: 5
- 6). Allow God to show you your mate and walk in the destiny He designed for you. The
wrong love connection can hinder and displace the perfect will of God for your life.
Marriage should be enjoyed and prosperous, and not a drudgery. You should like and love the
person you are with and enjoy intimacy. If you are presently married and you are not
experiencing this, then believe God to heal and prosper your marriage. If you are believing
God for a mate, then begin now praying for His best and ask for guidance in your mate
selection. Remember you are worthy of living the rest of your life with the very best.
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Sixth Part Of Series January 2008
Since this is the year of new beginnings, I strongly believe that God is miraculously doing a
work in relationships. If you are believing God to reconcile a relationship or to strengthen the
one you are presently in, this is your year. Even those who are trusting God to meet their
mates will be fulfilled this year. This is the year of blessings and God is taking His people to a
new dimension in Him. He wants to fulfill promises and make dreams come true this year.
How many of you believe that He can do it and He will do it?
I am trusting God for a mate, but I want the one He has purposed to be my lifetime
companion. Too often, we run ahead of God and pick what we want according to our
fleshly desires. He wants us to have His best and for us to stop settling for less. I see it too
often. Men and women getting involved with a person because they are getting some much
needed attention or they get married out of convenience. The only true purpose for marriage
is love and companionship. If you get married for any other reason, you are in for a rude
awakening!
This is going to be a year of great victory for God's people and it should also pertain to
marriage. Therefore, if you are dating someone and you do not know if this is your soul
mate, stand still, do not make a hasty decision, and seek the guidance of God (Proverbs 3: 5
- 6). Allow God to show you your mate and walk in the destiny He designed for you. The
wrong love connection can hinder and displace the perfect will of God for your life.
Marriage should be enjoyed and prosperous, and not a drudgery. You should like and love the
person you are with and enjoy intimacy. If you are presently married and you are not
experiencing this, then believe God to heal and prosper your marriage. If you are believing
God for a mate, then begin now praying for His best and ask for guidance in your mate
selection. Remember you are worthy of living the rest of your life with the very best.
"What God Puts Together"
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Seventh Part Of Series February 2008
Ask yourself this question, what is love? Now I am sure that most of you reading this article
may be thinking to yourselves right now, I know what love is or at least I know what I
believe it is. I guess it is open for interpretation, because if it were not, we would not see so
many different versions of it. Also, how it has greatly positively or negatively affected
people's lives.
I recently wrote a book about love and the dependency on the wrong type of love, I Miss the
Hugs, but Not the Hurts. It's called co-dependency, which is the dependency to need
validation and acceptance from an individual with addictions and obsessive behavior patterns.
Often times, it is a woman who is involved with a man who is addicted to alcohol or drugs
and she feels a need to rescue him and stand by him without giving him intervention that
would discourage the addictive behavior. Although, men also fall prey to this behavior, in
essence, as long as there is an addiction, the co-dependency is validated, and that individual
feels purposeful.
This kind of love is rapidly destroying our families and communities. It has especially placed
a bridge between the male and female relationship. Personally, it saddens me that no one
seems to see this as being a problem until it turns into domestic violence and social services
gets involved to rescue the victim with assistance and it comes from the tax payer's pockets.
We do not seem to realize that this is a very serious social concern.
Yet, talk show hosts are making millions off the topic by exploiting and exposing failing
relationships due to domestic violence in toxic relationships.
Let's take a stand for our greatest possessions, our families and our marriages. Do not
subject yourselves to toxicity, but exposed yourselves to a healthy and nurturing relationship
where growth and self-expression can take place. Validation comes from knowing that you
are worthy of acceptance and your first form of acceptance came from your creator. Being
made in His image and daily being prepared to stand in His presence, that is all the true
validation we need. When we come to grips with whose we are, we can begin to operate in
the realm of who we are. That acceptance and love will transcend to others-- such as in our
homes, our churches, and our communities. The core of the human race begins with the
male and female relationship in the holy union of marriage. When that fails, the family,
church and community cannot flourish. It just starts with two to make a team, but you must
make the right love choice. Begin the process by loving you and getting yourself together
first before getting involved with someone else. When you do choose, choose someone who
loves themselves too, and they do not live their lives drowning from being enslaved to
addictions.
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Seventh Part Of Series February 2008
Ask yourself this question, what is love? Now I am sure that most of you reading this article
may be thinking to yourselves right now, I know what love is or at least I know what I
believe it is. I guess it is open for interpretation, because if it were not, we would not see so
many different versions of it. Also, how it has greatly positively or negatively affected
people's lives.
I recently wrote a book about love and the dependency on the wrong type of love, I Miss the
Hugs, but Not the Hurts. It's called co-dependency, which is the dependency to need
validation and acceptance from an individual with addictions and obsessive behavior patterns.
Often times, it is a woman who is involved with a man who is addicted to alcohol or drugs
and she feels a need to rescue him and stand by him without giving him intervention that
would discourage the addictive behavior. Although, men also fall prey to this behavior, in
essence, as long as there is an addiction, the co-dependency is validated, and that individual
feels purposeful.
This kind of love is rapidly destroying our families and communities. It has especially placed
a bridge between the male and female relationship. Personally, it saddens me that no one
seems to see this as being a problem until it turns into domestic violence and social services
gets involved to rescue the victim with assistance and it comes from the tax payer's pockets.
We do not seem to realize that this is a very serious social concern.
Yet, talk show hosts are making millions off the topic by exploiting and exposing failing
relationships due to domestic violence in toxic relationships.
Let's take a stand for our greatest possessions, our families and our marriages. Do not
subject yourselves to toxicity, but exposed yourselves to a healthy and nurturing relationship
where growth and self-expression can take place. Validation comes from knowing that you
are worthy of acceptance and your first form of acceptance came from your creator. Being
made in His image and daily being prepared to stand in His presence, that is all the true
validation we need. When we come to grips with whose we are, we can begin to operate in
the realm of who we are. That acceptance and love will transcend to others-- such as in our
homes, our churches, and our communities. The core of the human race begins with the
male and female relationship in the holy union of marriage. When that fails, the family,
church and community cannot flourish. It just starts with two to make a team, but you must
make the right love choice. Begin the process by loving you and getting yourself together
first before getting involved with someone else. When you do choose, choose someone who
loves themselves too, and they do not live their lives drowning from being enslaved to
addictions.
"What God Puts Together"
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Eighth Part Of Series March 2008
In a marriage, it is often the wife who is sacrificing her time and denying herself of any social
and/ or physical pleasures. She often is the caregiver to the children and her husband. In
addition, if there is an elderly or ill parent, she steps up to the plate to care for them too. Her
job never seizes to stop and yet her deeds often seem to go unnoticed and appreciated.
Somehow, our society has deemed her the caregiver, and has labeled that to be her calling
from her mother's womb. It is not that she minds doing it, because she probably insists upon
it.
I want to give honor to the women who are unselfish and who deny themselves of many
worldly pleasures just to care for someone else. I want to tell you that I honor you and
appreciate your deeds. If I could give you all the money in the world for your kindness and
unconditional love, Oprah would not even be able to match it.
To all of you husbands, children, parents and in-laws who have a woman like that in your
family, I want you to tell her how much you love and appreciate her and give her a special
gift. Give her time to herself to do absolutely nothing but care for herself, pamper herself,
love herself. Husbands get out that credit card and give her a full day at the spa and you
prepare her favorite meal. Better yet, take her out to her favorite fine restaurant. Children
clean up the house for Mom and keep the noise down a bit and you sometimes demanding
parents and in-laws get one of your other children to care for your needs for a while.
This wonderful woman is taking a break and she deserves it too. It is time for someone else
to take care of her. It is time for someone to consider her needs. It is time for someone to
step up to the plate and make a holiday just for her-the wife, the mother, the caregiver. The
greatest giver of them all. God Bless You.
Setting a Standard of Excellence for Relationships
Eighth Part Of Series March 2008
In a marriage, it is often the wife who is sacrificing her time and denying herself of any social
and/ or physical pleasures. She often is the caregiver to the children and her husband. In
addition, if there is an elderly or ill parent, she steps up to the plate to care for them too. Her
job never seizes to stop and yet her deeds often seem to go unnoticed and appreciated.
Somehow, our society has deemed her the caregiver, and has labeled that to be her calling
from her mother's womb. It is not that she minds doing it, because she probably insists upon
it.
I want to give honor to the women who are unselfish and who deny themselves of many
worldly pleasures just to care for someone else. I want to tell you that I honor you and
appreciate your deeds. If I could give you all the money in the world for your kindness and
unconditional love, Oprah would not even be able to match it.
To all of you husbands, children, parents and in-laws who have a woman like that in your
family, I want you to tell her how much you love and appreciate her and give her a special
gift. Give her time to herself to do absolutely nothing but care for herself, pamper herself,
love herself. Husbands get out that credit card and give her a full day at the spa and you
prepare her favorite meal. Better yet, take her out to her favorite fine restaurant. Children
clean up the house for Mom and keep the noise down a bit and you sometimes demanding
parents and in-laws get one of your other children to care for your needs for a while.
This wonderful woman is taking a break and she deserves it too. It is time for someone else
to take care of her. It is time for someone to consider her needs. It is time for someone to
step up to the plate and make a holiday just for her-the wife, the mother, the caregiver. The
greatest giver of them all. God Bless You.